Part 5: Good enough

My heart burst when they placed him in my arms for the first time.

It would be impossible to describe every emotion surging through my soul at that moment, but nothing will ever top it. As I held his pink body close to mine, I vowed no one would ever hurt this precious little child. And I thanked God for this experience. This second chance. This gift of love — so small yet so infinite.

In that moment, the impact of what God did for me through the blood of His son struck me. Even though I’m not good enough on my own to receive such a gift, He still made the ultimate sacrifice for me. Could I possibly be the sacrificial mother my beautiful son would need?

As I felt my newborn son’s tiny hand wrap my finger, tears of joy streamed down my cheeks, and I offered prayers of hope. Lord, please show me how to be this precious baby’s mom. Help me be good enough. Don’t let my mistakes ever bring him pain or sorrow. Give him a future.

Lying alone in the hospital bed, cuddling my new bundle of joy to my chest, I wanted to give the world to my child. But I still wasn’t sure what I had to offer the world in return.